I really think there is something liberating about having no friends. I feel freer than I’ve ever felt before. There’s just me and my thoughts to worry about.
Oh, is that all? Extract from my diary, age 16.
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"Yes, yes, she’s never taken me seriously really. And to this day – you know I just left her now – she sees me as a complainer, a hypochondriac, a kind of idiot savant. She thinks that I’m very good at what I do and absolutely terrible at everything else. And she’s probably not far off. You know, it’s that kind of relationship. She’s not someone who sycophantically supports. You know, people thought when I first married her that, because of this big age difference, I’d married someone who’d idolise me. But that wasn’t the case at all. She hadn’t seen 90% of my movies, and to this day she hasn’t seen 60% of them. She’s just not that interested in them. And she’s a stern critic of my work. She unashamedly hates my clarinet playing. Can’t bear it. Can’t bear my practising. Never comes to a concert. Thinks it’s torture.
Woody Allen talking about his wife Soon-Yi.
I once lived next door to a very snooty cat that refused to become my friend.
Perhaps I was placed in the wrong decade. Perhaps I’m some kind of an eccentric who everybody just humours and will become more estranged as time goes on. God if I’m like this at 14. Shit!
Extract from my old diary, 1990.
Jeremy Paxman card i made for my old dear.
For yous non-uk followers, Jeremy Paxman is an english tv presenter/ruthless interrogator (when he presents the news!).
I wish someone would send me a Jeremy Paxman card. Especially if it shouted “COME ON!” when you opened it.
I never thought Margaret Thatcher would actually resign. I mean she’s certainly not the quitting type. I think it’s obvious that she’d been pressurised. I wonder if her and Dennis still make love, I suppose it’s virtually impossible on 3 hours of sleep a night. At least she’ll have more time now.
Extract from my diary, age 16.
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One king meets another: Haile Selassie and a lion.
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His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie was the Emperor of Ethiopia from 1930 to 1974. In fact, his full title was His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah and Elect of God. He was also, at the time of his reign, the most bemedalled ruler in the world. Befitting for someone who could trace his ancestry back to King Solomon, Selassie could certainly rock up a regal look or two.
Last night, I went to a bar with a friend and noticed how many people in the bar were playing with/looking at their mobile phones, despite being surrounded by other people. There were a couple of guys sat together who spent all their time passing a mobile phone back and forth between them so they could look at whatever message/photo/application they were using as a substitute for conversation. When my friend went to the bar to get drinks, I was sat on my own, staring into the distance with my thoughts for company. It was only when a guy tried engaging me in conversation that I started rummaging in my bag, wondering whether to get my phone out so it would look like I was busy. My phone is old, without any games or gadgets and currently contains no credit to call or text people. It would be like staring at a rock and hoping it would magic itself into consciousness. Instead, I continued rummaging in my bag until my friend returned.
We now have our Christmas tree up. I’m sure it was taller last year, perhaps I’ve grown, god I hope so. Sinead O’Connor is about my height, I suppose that’s some consolation, but she looks taller. It must be her ‘attitude’. I wish I was tall. Destined to live my life as a small person. Tragedy.
From my diary, age 15.
I’m still working on having enough ‘attitude’ to make me look taller.